I am a lonely man. I mainly blame the attention-deprived years of my childhood, but I also blame my failed marriage to that cold-hearted wench who took half of what I own when we got divorced. Over the years I’ve created up for my loneliness with promiscuity and alcohol-fueled love affairs, but at times that’s not sufficient.

If this sounds familiar to you – then you need the Boyfriend Pillow.

Unlike a typical pillow, the Boyfriend Pillow has a built-in arm which you can wrap around your body, simulating the sensitive touch of a lover’s embrace. Produced of ultra-comfy memory foam, the Boyfriend Pillow is shaped like a man’s torso and may be positioned in a number of distinct approaches (trust me).

Why the Boyfriend Pillow is wearing a button-down dress shirt to bed is beyond me, but I can’t complain. Having a little imagination, along with a splash of perfume, we lonely males can close our eyes and pretend that the pillow is basically a woman wearing 1 of our favorite dress shirts.

With a little additional imagination, and a lot a lot more perfume, you could also pretend the pillow is really the girl featured in the item photo. But that is as much as you.

So, when my pick-up lines prove unsuccessful in the bar, it is good to know that I’ll often have somebody to snuggle up with when I get residence. It won’t complain about being unsatisfied, or question why her memory of the last six hours is so foggy, and it doesn’t threaten to call the cops if I do not give her cab fare for the ride property.

The Boyfriend Pillow is, rather just, perfect.

I Adore this pillow!! Like most spinsters, I usually spent loads of time wishing for a man and arranging the pillows on my bed in a lengthy pile, the greater to envision that some hottie could be willing to invest the night beside me. All of the single ladies know that if you close your eyes and concentrate, the smell of scented candles and litterboxes transforms itself into a musky, manly cologne!

With the boyfriend arm pillow (I named mine Captain Jack, in honor of Johnny Depp’s sexiest role), I barely must concentrate. I spritz just a little bit of axe body spray on the “torso” and wrap that arm about me for a long, blissful night of rest that previously would have been readily available only to my married buddies.

I do not know why nobody thought of the arm attachment ahead of! I use the powerful, brawny hand to open jars and kill bugs–I’m no longer scared of spiders when I’ve my “man” by my side! When I watch Television at night I prop the remote inside the pillow’s fingers for the reason that I know how much guys like to manage the Tv. This might sound crazy, but I swear Captain Jack when interrupted a Dharma & Greg marathon to change the channel to football!!

Captain Jack did cause something of an uproar in my family when I signed him up as my plus one to my cousin Kimmy’s wedding, but that blew more than after a few months. People are so uptight…obvs I was mainly joking. It’s not like I’d be able to pick up a groomsman if I’d had a pillow attached to me all night, although I did feel bad that he had to miss out on the cake–chocolate with vanilla frosting is Captain Jack’s favorite.

I’m currently using “Date Like a Man” and “Think Like a Guy” and fully expect to snare a boyfriend soon. Even if I do not, I’ve asked my niece to make sure I’m buried with Captain Jack. No way am I going to the Other Side by myself!

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